Wheel of the Year: Autumnal Equinox

The fall equinox is the 2nd of harvest celebrations, and for most of us in Appalachia, the biggest reaping. The corn and beans have come in. And the last of the tomatoes are ripening on the vines before the nights get too cold. 

It is a time of balance. We reap what we sow. That idea has particular meaning for me this year as I go through a big change—another separation and possible divorce on the horizon. We are reaping what we have sown in our relationship. But I don’t mean that to sound negative; although there are some serious moments of sadness, my husband and I have had a long and varied relationship. For my part it feels more like another transition than a break or rupture. I look through my previous posts and I wonder if I knew intuitively what was to come. 

Byron Ballard, in her new book Seasons of a Magical Life, says that she reserves this “Embertide” to be honest with herself about her behavior towards others and to make amends where necessary. She asks: “Have I held up my own sense of ethics, followed my own rules of engagement?” Oomph. In the complexities of a long-term marriage, that one is tough. I have and I have not. And at this point, making reparations is much bigger than a heart to heart.

But what I can work towards is creating more balance in our relationship, so much as I am able. We will be co-parenting. We will be working on our respective journeys of personal growth—and asking ourselves, how did it come to this, how was it that we had such wildly different notions of what was happening in our marriage. I think we’ve figured out the “how,” but understanding a way forward feels much more tricky. 

Ah, but this is a time of celebration. And as I write this the harvest moon is full and golden. My boys and I walked out into the night to try to take a picture as it rose over the tree line of the mountain where we live. It was a special moment, one I hope we always remember. And that’s what life is, ultimately, no matter how relationships grow or change, the part worth living is those special, often unexpected moments where we share with others in pleasure and wonder. Those moments bring balance and harmony to our lives. And that is all we can ask for in the end.